oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
