Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
