So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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