Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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