Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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