So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize