My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
