im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize