Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
