It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
