booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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