Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
