Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
wow bdsm is so cute
Drunk is a universal language darling
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
