yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
