so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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