i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
