we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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