and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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