JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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