Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
