thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
