She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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