I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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