Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
