Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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