i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
do herpes really smell.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
