i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
