I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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