i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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