He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
