Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize