just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
