This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
