omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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