is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize