i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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