WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
