I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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