he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
