Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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