After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You've changed since you got that strap on
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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