I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
