my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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