a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
