Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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