he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
