I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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