I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what day is it and did you see me today?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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