so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
