if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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