he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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