I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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