I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
