I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
