i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The air taste purple.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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