I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
