i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
