You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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