two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
