there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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