She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
