a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
