Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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