im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
