You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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