what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
