my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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