I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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