Will you blow on my dice?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
