i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
