id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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