dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
