Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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