I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
